Play is not always getting on the floor and playing Barbies or superheroes, but can be something as simple as hugging your child and saying, “oh, sorry, I love you so much I’m never going to let you go.” I play this game with my son, as suggested by Dr. Cohen, and he loves it. He will ask, “But, how will you drive? How will you sleep?” and I’ll come up with silly answers to make him giggle. It’s playful and we are hugging the whole time.

As children grow and we are no longer required to hold them to take them from place to place or feed them, the hugs and holding often become much less frequent. Even if we try to show affection, they start asking for you to stop kissing them in public (gross, mom!). But, using playful parenting techniques allows for many ways to connect with your child by touching without obvious or “gross” affection. It may take the form of wrestling or being silly and holding them “forever” or some other fun way to connect. Your child needs these connections even if at times he or she can’t ask for them directly.

You may feel that you need to be strong on discipline and not turn every issue into a play opportunity or children will not learn the tough realities of life or of disappointment. But, sometimes play is what is needednow to give the child the confidence to deal with these issues later. It is a great way to connect with your children and is much more fun than many other alternatives, such as yelling or distancing ourselves.

As Edward Hallowell, M.D. states in his book “The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness“: 

“If you trust in the process [of childhood] and recognize play and fun as essential elements of the process, if you allow a child to be a child first and become an adult later, something amazing happens. The child becomes who he or she is meant to become. . . . . The best preparation for dealing with intense adult pressure in adult life . . . is giving him or her the chance to develop the muscles of confidence, optimism and hope, which can only be built slowly on a unique, lazy summer morning, a long morning we call childhood.”

Examples of “playful parenting” we have used:

• Inventing a two page invisible book when my son wanted “one more story” and reading about how the king granted him 5000 kisses, then proceeding to kiss him all over;
• Playing school where he’s the teacher to help him practice things he’s trying to work through;
• Having our son hide when his Daddy comes home and pretend he is invisible; Dad looks for him and finally finds him and hugs him all over (a good way to reconnect after a day at work);
• Hugging each other tight and saying “who has who”? He’ll respond with” I have you,” and I’ll say “no I have you”. Laughs ensue.
• Playing the “out of order” game - For example, I’ll tell him he needs to first, brush his teeth and then put on his shoes. And “do it in that order only!.” I‘ll turn around and he’ll sneak over and put his shoes on first, then start brushing his teeth. I’ll act totally surprised and say “You are so out of order!” (great way to get him to finish last few things before we leave the house)
• For a particular game I don’t like to play (since we have done it over and over), I’ll say in a very exaggerated, silly way, “oh, please don’t make me play that; not that game again!” He will laugh and say “yep, one more time”. After a few more exaggerated “oh, no’s” I’ll then agree to playing for ten minutes “that’s all I can do” I’ll say in a silly way. He laughs and agrees to 10 minutes.
• He and his Daddy (and sometimes I) will play “two velociraptors fighting on the bed” where they wrestle while pretending to be dinosaurs;

Posted under Happiness Project, Play